Ino?
by Killer-San
Summary: Searching deep in the night for Naruto, The Akatsuki dutifully enter Naruto's apartment and wait for the right moment to strike. Too bad they won't find a sleeping Jinchuriki, but a rather delirious Sakura instead...


Disclaimer: I do not naruto! I do own this creepy chicken in my closet though.. If you want?

It was night in the village of Kohona, the time that the Akatsuki had decided to attack. To take the Kyuubi was their goal, to leave without large attraction was their mission. It was Itachi, Kisame, Sasori, Hidan, Kakuzu and Deidara. Three cells in a squad would be good enough, Kisame was the no-tailed beast, right? Another upper-hand. The nine-tails was the last beast they had to collect to complete their goal. A new world, a new order.

A new god.

Shadows jumped from the top to top on the sleeping houses, silently stalking their prey in the summer night time heat. Zetsu had already taken care of what they needed to know, his apartment number. Being able to travel through walls and remain unseen was definitely a needed ability in the Akatsuki.

Crack.

The door opened, and Itachi winced at the sound. Zetsu hadn't mentioned that the apartment was older, something that would be important because of the noises. But it didn't look old, maybe the door had swelled from the heat.

Deidara wiped the sweat from his forehead and walked in after Itachi, his eyes finding the lump in the bed almost immediately. The plan was to block all exits in every corner of the room, then close in on their prey like lions and a lamb. They couldn't wake him though, they had to be stealthier in their attempts to capture the Kyuubi. If he awoke and started a ruckus, everyone would be screwed. Six well known Akatsuki members to hundreds of pissed off Kohona ninjas was going to be a challenging battle if he awoke.

They were awaiting Itachi's signal to go, to attack.

"His chakra signature is awfully low for a Jinchuuriki." Kisame rumbled disappointedly, his voice low like leaves against a screen door in a breeze.

Itachi's glare was burning red, indicating the sharingan in Kisame's direction. He couldn't see the blue man in the dark, but he could hear what he just said. He just compromised the mission. The lump turned on it's side under the blanket, probably a reaction to the noise, and the Akatsuki member's all inhaled sharply.

Shit.

Shit.

Shit.

Shit.

Shit.

Kisame covered his mouth with his hands.

The lump groaned in a light voice, much lighter than Itachi would have remembered. This was Naruto's apartment, Zetsu hadn't been mistaken? But then again when had Zetsu ever been mistaken. He always made sure he had the correct information on everything, seeing as his job was to be a spy, doing his job wrong would be an insult to himself as a person. If he was a person.. Itachi hadn't really figured that out yet.

Perspiration ran down the back of Hidan's neck as he stared at the now moving body, hidden by the blankets. Jumping someone like this and leaving them half dead was a crime against his religion, and he seemed to be doing that crime alot lately. The white-haired Jashinist wondered just how many times he could ask forgiveness before he was forgiven no more.. But then again this was the last time they would be doing this, eh? He was the last Jinchuuriki they had to capture. But that groan sounded very.. feminine.

Itachi gave the signal and the Akatsuki shot into action, surrounding the bed while Kakuzu's threads enveloped the person and the blankets, making sure to cover their mouth. But as a dark black tentacle slid under the blanket to silence any verbal struggle, they ran across something rather soft. And squishy. Like a lump of fat, kind of. The tentacle poked at it for a minute as Kakuzu turned his head, wondering what exactly it was. He hadn't thought that the nine-tails would be fat..

"Mm..wha..whatt the _hell_? What the fuck is touching my chest!"

Kakuzu had never seen himself move so fast from one part of the room to the other, the blankets on the girl moving with him as he ran, stuck on his thread.

It was a girl, young, with beat red cheeks and pink hair. She was covered in a red night gown that hung at her frame, not very flattering at all in Kakuzu's opinion. But her eyes, her eyes were greener than his. And much more deep, with pupils. His eyes were a solid color of lime-ish green that reminded him of puke. He hated his eyes. But he shouldn't have been looking at her eyes! He had just..grabbed her..

Oh Kami.

He was a ninety year old man!

"What the.. This doesnt look like a boy, Itachi, Uhn."

"I..I know."

The girl turned towards them, her eyes half open and glazed over with exhaustion.

"Someone. Grabbed. My. Chest."

Some of the Akatsuki eyes turned towards Kakuzu, realizing he was as far away from the girl as possible.

"I..didn't mean too I swear!"

Hidan couldn't help but laugh at Kakuzu's expression. Actually he couldn't help but laugh _hysterically _at Kakuzu's expression.

"Tentacle rapist!"

Itachi smacked Hidan upside the head from behind, reminding them of their objective.

The Kyuubi.

They circled the girl, who looked up at them, her cheeks still beat red.

"Where is the Kyuubi, Uhn?"

She squinted her eyes at Deidara and he crossed his arms under her questioning gaze.

"A who-zaaa-what?"

"The nine-tailed fox."

"Whaaa?"

Kisame sighed at the girl's apparent talent, annoying the shit out of him.

"Naruto?"

"Oooh." She smiled a bit. "He's away on a mission."

She sounded kind of drunk to Sasori, kind of like Deidara on bar night.

"And why are you in his bed? Are you two mates?"

"I missed him." She frowned. "The bed smells like hiiim." The girl's head tilted a bit.

Seriously drunk. Way more than hammered. The kinda drunk that gets you killed.

"What's your relationship with him?" It was Itachi who was asking the questions now.

"Heee's mah buddyyyy!"

"Itachi, Uhn. Your not going to get anything from her."

"Yeah..She sounds intoxicated."

Kisame was the one who dared to press his hand against her forehead, he was always the most daring other than Hidan.

"She feels warm, I think she's sick."

"I ain't no shickkk."

Sasori was the next to lean over and poke her forehead.

"Doesnt look like the affects of poison."

"Uhn, If we can stop playing doctor, I think we can get to the question of why she's sick in the Kyuubi's bed."

Kisame rubbed his chin thoughtfully.

"Was someone here before us and didn't think her a worthy asset to take?"

Sasori sat down on the bed next to Sakura and held up two fingers.

"How many fingers do I have up, Girl?"

She just giggled and poked Sasori's nose, before puking on the side of the bed on Hidan's feet.

"Oh mother fuc-"

Her body was racked by violent shakes of pain as she threw up all over Hidan, her vomit dripping down his robe.

"KING BITCH!"

Kakuzu crossed his arms and leaned against the wall, still a good distance from the girl.

"Hell, I like her already."

Deidara covered his nose and looked to Itachi who was still assesing the situation.

"What do we do, Uhn?"

"We have to leave her here. It's not like we haven't done it before."

The pink haired girl looked up at Itachi, and promptly started bawling. She looked like she was atleast 15, Why the hell was she blubbering like that at the thought of her enemies leaving?

"B-but! Ino, you can't leave meee!"

She clasped onto Deidara's arm with a crazed look.

"Iiiinoooo."

Deidara looked down at her and everyone watched her next move as she climbed up on him, except for Hidan who was kicking vomit off his shoes everywhere.

"Iiino! Remember that time we went down on easssh other?"

"Uuh.."

A blush set across Deidara's face, and he was glad for the darkness of the room for the first time that night. He had a bad feeling about this.

"I'm..not..In-"

"Wellll I really wanna do that againnn."

Deidara stumbled back a bit as Sakura wrapped her arms around his neck.

"What about you Ino, do you luff me?"

His face was reallly red by now.

"Uuuh..."

"Whatever the fuck she's sick with, I think we should be spreading to all the girls in this world." Hidan muttered, watching the girl nibble at Deidara's ear.

Kisame was snickering at Deidara, like he was an actor on television and providing entertainment for the sushi man. That is until Sakura started tongueing Deidara, and knocked him over onto the floor.

"You tasteee funnyyy Innooo."

Deidara was ripping away from her, and farther across the room than Kakuzu in a split second.

"It's good, let's ditch her here, uhn!"

The Akatsuki were soon too follow, they didn't have anything to do with her anyway. But they didn't mean to forget the whole event, Oooh no. This would haunt Deidara for a long, long time. And possibly Sakura, who they left laying on the hard wood floor of the apartment.


End file.
